


Nun-Slam 2015: Our Preview of the Final

by damozel



Category: Wallace & Gromit, Wallace & Gromit: The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit (2005)
Genre: Catholic Humour, Gen, Invisible Ficathon, Light-Hearted, Lost Library Exchange 2015, No Offense Intended, Prompt Fill, Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-04-08 21:06:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4320720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damozel/pseuds/damozel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An invisible ficathon treat profiling the best that the world of pro nun wrestling has to offer...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nun-Slam 2015: Our Preview of the Final

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DesertScribe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertScribe/gifts).



_Excerpt from the most holy chronicles of the world's leading organ for pro nun wrestling_

**NUN-SLAM 2015: Saint Ambrose’s Hall, Knock, Co. Mayo 12/07/15**

It has, as ever, been a long, hard season on the Catholic, pro-fighting scene, with many a bride of Christ falling by the wayside in the tussles that have become affectionately known as the “Wars of the Rosaries” and the “Via Crucifiers”. Nonetheless, excitement within our elite community runs strong, and in the run up to tomorrow’s championship fight our very own **Fr Dougal MacFintan O’Shea** gives us the low-down on the brave warriors in black and white who have captured the imagination of our loyal laity this season...

In the Red Corner _Sister Thérèse O’Malley O’Burke_

 **Nationality** : A fine proud gal from Co. Kerry on the Emerald Isle, Sr Thérèse has wowed local crowds with her traditional approach to the role of Soldier of Christ.

 **In the tournament thus far** : Sr Thérèse is a surprise contender for the internationally contested title of “Habit Hurter” of the year. She entered proceedings as a rank outsider, but having fought off stiff competition from the likes of Sr Gabriella “The Garotter” Velasquez, and having emerged victorious from an (unconventional) bout with the former priest now known as Sr Desiree of the Assumption, she’s now seen as a potential world-beater in thick nylon tights.

 **Signature move** : The “Ave Maria”. Hands joined at the palms with fingers pointing to the heavens. This move is used to knick an opponent in the throat when they least expect it. The efficacy of this move has been a bit “iffy” throughout the season, but those hands could still strike a killer blow if the circumstances are in her favour.

 **Thoughts on her rival** : “So, I dislike what I’d say to you is 'unfair play'. Heads down lavatories, for instance, should be totally disallowed in a Christian sport such as this”.

In the Blue Corner _Sister Florentina of the Sacred Heart_

 **Nationality** : This veiled assassin was born in Perugia, but has spent much of her life in the Republic of Ireland.

 **In the tournament thus far** : Affectionately nick-named Sister F-Off, our Italian firecracker has been a title favourite from the start. Her unconventional moves and relentless competitive spirit have provoked criticism throughout the preliminary stages of this tournament. But we all know that Jesus loves a winner in the end.

 **Signature move** : “The Whine Of The Cross”. While some commentators have challenged the legality of this high-pitched wail – accompanied by spinning body and flailing limbs – the Pro Nun Wrestling Council have decreed that the move is entirely legitimate. 

**Thoughts on her rival** : “There has been a lot of talk about myself and Sr Thérèse, going back to our early days at the convent. All I can say is this: a little roughousing never did a novitiate any harm. If they cannot stand the heat then they must remove themselves from the fire. (I do not, of course, mean the fire of the Holy Spirit, which burns eternal for one and all)”.

 

 **Fr Dougal’s Tip** : The anger and frustration that has fuelled Sr Thérèse’s campaign until this point will make for an interesting few rounds, but the sheer brutality of reigning champion Sr Florentina should win through in the end.

**Odds** : Sr Florentina, evens; Sr Thérèse 7-1 

****So that’s it ladies and gentlemen. The finalists are ready: let the competition begin. (Just remember to fit that Mass in somewhere between the bookmakers' and the wrestling ring).** **


End file.
